Ashes to ashes

Frostlovers - The Key
aka The Ogre That Identified As A Giraffe

The party, having been stuck inside the cave after the avalance, set off down towards Frost. They were joined by Kent, the newly christened Bahamut-believer and Rago, a not-so-excited companion. Chief left the party to be on his own for a while. After arriving in Frost, the party told Lidda to get ready to leave. They then met with Bharsh, who scolded them for not retrieving the lockbox, and told them to come back when they did. Bharsh also complained about a thief having stolen money from him.

The party took their chance and distracted the manservant, which enabled Lia, the monk, to steal a bottle of wine and the manservant's dentures. They the left Frost in company with Lidda and Kent, Rago stayed behind. 

The party decided to go where the key pointed – south west. They soon came to the end of the snow, where summer met winter. From cold to the bones to warm as a summer's evening, the party followed the path until they encountered 2 ogres arguing. Kent took the lead and tried banishing them in the name of Bahamut. The ogres got angry.

The fight was brutal, a lot of hammers were swung, some spells were thrown, and people got knocked out, and then resuscitated. The most odd thing, though, happened when our beloved wild magic sorcerer managed to provoke a wild magic surge – one of the ogres had his body contort into the form of a giraffe, while still looking like an ogre. This enraged the ogreiaffe and almost killed our Hoppsan, but they managed to defeat the ogres. 

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Innkeepers - Shitsticks and Goblin Burritos
aka The Day The Barbarian Missed EVERYTHING

After enjoying a mead-feast in their honor, the party went to bed. After being rudely awoken by Elder Martin, who insisted that the party should hurry up and go adventuring, they feasted on some mead-cakes with mead and mead-jam. They also decided that it was time to fetch the enchanted water that they had been tasked to do. After questioning Elder Martin about where the water is, he told them that Alenn knew, and that he could show them.

The party found Alenn, who fetched himself a book and a few sandwiches before departure. They then decided to make a detour and fix the goblin problem – probably by slaying them all. Alenn showed the way to the goblin den and decided to read his novel while waiting. 

The party entered the den, and was immediately  set upon by goblins and bugbears. To sum up the fight:
Dale casts spells! No Wild Magic since no fun allowed, apparently.
Tesla tells everyone that they're doing an a-ok job!
Balsa gently asks every enemy to reform to Bahamut while slaughtering them in the name of Bahamut.
Drusilla critfails, critfails, critfails. 

They managed to knock out a goblin, and then persuade him to tell them the whereabouts of the other goblins, and so he did. They then left him tied up, like a goblin burrito. A single tear was shed.



After making their way towards the kitchen, the party found themselves set upon once again by these foul beasts. Sum up:
Dale uses bonfire! It's somewhat effective!
Tesla builts a burning shitstick, made from miscellanious things from the goblin lavatory, and lugs it at a goblin, splashing shit and some fire on him.
Balsa does what Balsa does best.
Drusilla is the queen of misses and critfails. 

Afterwards, the party finds a pouch of kanis (iceinnamon) and a shitfilled bag of holding in the goblin lavatory. They also manage to knock out the shitstained goblin and Drusilla contemplates making him her slave.

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Frostlovers - The Magician
aka How the Monsters Came to Shire

As the party stood waiting outside the cave, a large man wielding a battlehammer exited. He was followed by two henchmen. The party, as charismatic as they are, tried bargaining with nothing to get the lockbox. When they realized that they could not actually get it for free, the goliath Chief drew his blade and Hoppsan burned the three men. That's how it all started.

It ends with a strange-looking wizard popping out of nowhere, a portal behind him, blasting the large man in the chest, killing him. He stole the lockbox and ran inside the portal, followed by our heroic party. Chief, being enraged, tried headbutting the portal. He did, but he also headbutted the person who had entered the portal before him – Lia. She fell unconscious. 

They arrived at a pirate ship filled with pirates, undead pirates and a kraken. As they made their way across the ship, Lia tried swinging with a rope to cross the ship. The kraken did not approve of this, and slapped her down. 

The next place they entered was a gothic hall, filled to the brim with different kinds of monsters. They had a party, and the brave adventurers had to dodge and weave between the dancers. Some of our heroes were thrown across the hall, others had to separate werewolves making out. Such is the life of an adventurer.

When the magician had managed to open up yet another portal, our holy Lina convinced the monsters that the lockbox contained brains. They all stopped dancing, the band stopped playing, and the monsters charged after the magician and the party…

…into the Shire. This is were our brave gnome Hoppsan almost managed to catch the lockbox, but it ended in her being carried by the magician, clinging to the lockbox for dear life. Chief tried telling the monsters to go back to the party – but pointed in the wrong direction. The monsters started shuffling towards where an 111-year old had a birthday-party.

After wrestling with the gnome for the lockbox, the magician finally managed to retrieve it and ran through the last portal – and ended up back in time, just before the party entered the pirate-ship-portal. The magician called the party fools, laughed about how he had achieved his mission and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. He did not notice, however, that he dropped a key that looked eerily like a key that would fit in the lockbox…

Hoppsan cried, since loosing the lockbox was hard on her. Lia looted the bodies and found, well, perculiar things that she did not appreciate. Chief carried two of the bodies towards the cave, Mikael baptised a new believer of Bahamut and gave him the name Kent. They soon noticed that an avalance, caused by the large man who got blasted to hell, were descending down upon them. They hurried inside the cave, where Chief managed to prop the entrance full with tents while Mikael and Lina, with the help of Kent, built a shrine to Bahamut. 

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Frostlovers - The Lockbox
aka On the subject of Halflings

The party sat waiting for their contact to arrive in the little in called "Warmth". They were in the village of Frost, having been told that a lockbox had been stolen from a trade route that was meant for the Thunder Dynasty. While waiting, the party prayed to Bahamut, which was not as welcome as they would have hoped. 

Bharsh, their contact, was a very uptight and self-centered blue dragonborn who told them that they were to not, under any circumstances, open the lockbox. He also gave them a lead, Haggler. Before leaving, he was extremely rude to a halfling waitress.

The party consoled the waitress and told her that she could join them when they left Frost. They then went and bought supplies from the only store in town. It turned out that the shop owner was Haggler, he told the party about the man who had tried selling him the lockbox. After learning of the location, one of the clerics asked Bahamut for guidance. He received it, only to ruin the moment with the worst "song" ever heard.

The party traveled towards the location, happening upon a Frostwolf, but not much else happened. They are now standing outside what seems to be a bandit den, shouting for the leader to come out.

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Innkeepers - The Drunken Goat
aka Dale the Kobold God

After finding out that their friend, Rummel, has passed away, the party gathered to hear what he had left in his will. To their outmost surprise and joy, they were left the ruined broken  lovely inn "The Drunken Goat". After kicking out a few troublemakers and hiring a cook, the party set out to find that most important of life essences – booze.

They made their way to the village of Smallbell, with a little stop which got a very unlucky bandit slaughtered. When they arrived at Smallbell, they were told that in order for the Smallbell Brewery to be able to help them, the party needed to help Smallbell first. Clear a goblin cave, fetch enchanted water for the mead and save the prizewinning cow, Bella. The party prioritized extremely well and went after Bella.

It turned out that a tribe of kobolds had kidnapped Bella to worship her as their now goddess. The party convinced the kobolds to let her go and to worship Dale, the half-elf sorcerer, instead. The party returned with Bella and Smallbell threw a party in their honor.

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